That said, the garbage scenario and the whole characterisation of the genders fits our case like a glove. The standard argument I have with my wife involves her getting stressed because this, this and this havn’t been done, and my accusing her of behaving as if we were in a crisis. ‘I wonder how you would behave if we actually were in a burning building…’ On the other hand, she never exhibits any sense of urgency or superior planning skills when we have a social engagement to get to. Especially when it’s with ‘my’ friends.

*Music from twilight zone*

In fact, in the cafe incident, the poor woman isn’t even there – NZer just assumes she’d be crap. Oh give me a break.

Hey: In this instance, Nicholas has forgotten to close his italics tags!! I hereby take this example to write a book claiming ALL MEN ARE CRAP AT HTML!!!! That’ll show ‘em!

This woman’s rampant misuse of her unexamined prejudices has unfortunately exacerbated my own prejudices about the quality of intellectual activity in NZ

Or to paraphrase [my perception of] the authors viewpoint, women stress about things that are not that important/don’t matter [to men].

Clearly the tendencies we’re talking about aren’t always neatly correlated – in my family I’m the planner (but he gets upset if plans need to change later on, while I don’t); I’m the recipe improviser (also the shopper, it must be said), while he has to follow the recipe to the letter; he does most of the housework (I’m definitely with tigtog on that one).

On the bigger question that Nicholas alluded to as to whether there will ever be an equal division of domestic and paid labour, I have been forced to conclude that there will not. Not that it bothers me – I’m also of the view that if women continue to have a stronger preference than men for mothering and reflect that in their lifetime workforce attachment patterns, there is only so far that it is possible to go in terms of gender earnings equality. That is just the price of having systems and institutions that allow women to make those choices.

There are stereotypes, and a lot of people might sort of fit them. But it is a bit like quantum physics: there are only probabilities and ranges, not certainties and known knowns.

But I don’t get to practice my improvisational cooking much because my wife – though I may henceforth start referring to her (a la Patrick) as Mrs Me – is sufficiently fastidious about her eating that she often decides she doesn’t like the upshot.

In fact I spent about half an hour trying to find a cartoon to put at the head of this post. I think it might be by Judy Horacek – hence the one I did find above – and it has a man pushing a shopping trolley up a mountain followed by his long suffering wife who is asking something along the lines of “don’t you think we would have found the car park by now if this really was the right way to go”. If any one can point me to it I’d be eternally . . .

I think the points re children are probably applicable to all children.

My beloved and I have discussed this aspect of my character, and I have been accused of inconsistency in that I have a morbid fear of being late. However this is just another manifestation of ‘just in time’.

She who must be obeyed however is always very well organised.

At 60+, we have managed to reach a point of conjugal equilibrium, where each of our quirks are accommodated.

Except for the stacking of the dishwasher………..

My husband is the planner and I am the improviser. It drives him batty. He is also far more fastidious than I am, but it doesn’t translate to him getting up and doing the work required to have the place as fastidious as he would like. But I refuse to be shamed into meeting somebody else’s standards of housekeeping as social statement (which is what the “fastidious” standard is all about) above and beyond what is required for hygiene and comfort.

Also, diploma-mill Dr John Gray’s neverending justifications for forcing women to do all the emotional heavy-lifting and self-sacrifice in relationships drives me batty. Do yourself a favour and don’t bother reading the Mars/Venus canon.