My own personal stance is probably with Laura, in that it does seem fairly determinedly patriarchal and if it really was just a matter of people picking a name that they liked better (as I acknowledge many people on the other post said it was), there should be a lot more blokes going for their partners’ surnames.

As far as the kids go, the hyphenated option never appealed to me (while some names might go together rather well, I suspect most double-barrelled names are pretty ugly and there is that whole next generation thing.) But even there, perhaps it is a way to intially give your children both their parents’ names, with the expectation that once they were old enough, they could choose which one they preferred and then only have one to hand on to their own children. (I did once know a brother and sister with a double surname who had each chosen to go by a different one of the original names.)

Men taking women’s names is very rare, and probably always when it’s done, it’s accompanied by some sort of explanation. Women seldom have to explain why they take the man’s name.

I wonder whether same sex partnerhips involve much name-changing?

But I always thought that women taking their husband’s name was only a social convention anyway - as far as I know, you are legally the name you are born with unless you go to the trouble of changing it by deed poll, but you can call yourself anything you like, as long as it is not with intent to defraud.

And I agree David R that Grace is a good middle name - it graces my second daughter.

My Dad’s parents were a ‘mixed marriage’ - RC and CoE. The deal was that the girls would be baptised Catholic and the boys Church of England.

I think that was fairly common years ago. My grandmother’s family was the same, although they alternated rather than split by gender. My grandmother was RC, her sister was CoE (both born 1910’s).

This is slightly off topic but you might find it interesting. My Dad’s parents were a ‘mixed marriage’ - RC and CoE. The deal was that the girls would be baptised Catholic and the boys Church of England. Sound fair. But grannie had Dad baptised Catholic on the side when hubby was at work. I only found out about this at his funeral!

as a matter of convenience uses either Mainikis or Gruen depending on what’s easier in the context.

Meaning, I suppose, that she doesn’t mind it when the teachers at school call her Mrs Gruen. Likewise with us: Agnes just thinks it’s cute when they call her Mrs Farrell.

We are noticing what hasn’t been noticed up to now in this discussion — that many people quite comfortably use different names in different contexts. Most often it’s the given name that changes, whether it’s an anglicisation or a nickname, but there’s nothing to limit a person to one surname either.

(I like the name ‘Grace’ and might have called our daughter that, but Grace Gruen didn’t sound too flash!)

There are advantages for her using my surname. She’s on a two year temporary spousal visa. Once that period ends, she needs to convince Immigration that the marriage is “genuine”. (That is, it’s not some marriage of convenience where she gets to stay in Oz for some monetary trade.) If she passes the interview, she goes permanent - and using my surname helps. Mind you, I think living together under the same roof and paying the same bills helps even more.

I actually preferred her name the way it was, but she likes using my family name.