Millie says.

He said that HE would have nothing left to live for. What a pathetic thing to say, and it sounds like he is trying to make himself out to be a victim here. He willingly slept with this other woman. He may not have willingly fathered a child with her, but it seems that this is the outcome of the affair and it is not something that will go away. The childs mother may not believe in abortion, or she may have taken no steps to prevent conception – either way, your husband now has a child out there that he has, in the very least, a financial obligation to for the next 18 years.

Yes, she will probably ask the Child Support Agency to get involved and this is not because she is a selfish, money-hungry cow, it is because raising a child, especially as a single mother, is expensive and she is entitled to a financial contribution from the babys father – this amount is currently 18% of his salary, until the child turns 18.

I know you want to hate her, and it would be very easy to do this, but you were not there and you do not know how it transpired. Your husband may have pursued her, told her he loved her and wanted to marry her. She may be feeling totally betrayed by him also. You know what they say about there being three sides to every story – what he says happened, what she says happened, and what actually happened. She did not ruin your life – your husband did. He is the one who is married and made the choice to stray, knowing that it would cause you pain and hurt if and when you found out.

Your husband has betrayed you. An affair may be possible to forgive but an affair that results in a child is one that will have ongoing repercussions, if only of a financial nature.

The fact that you are experiencing fertility difficulties may make your decision harder. What if you are not ever able to conceive a child – it will be very difficult for you to know that your husband has a child out there with another woman, which may always gnaw at you.

While I am not wanting to give you advice on staying or going, I think it may be beneficial to you to take some time out – go and stay with a trusted friend or relative who will not judge, or go away on your own and try to get your head around everything . . .

Niall, I concur.

a supposedly mature woman (nurse?) slips a married mans dongle into her baby-maker

Niall, apparently there was a consenting man attached.

and bugger me dead

Bit of an unfortunate turn of phrase given the context don’t you think?

IMNSOHO they all sound like weak, manipulative, narcissistic liar (s).

If both parties didnt want to be responsible for a kid, they both shouldve used contraceptives.

Yes, well, how far would you trust a doctor who didn’t know how babies are made? And if he ‘would have nothing left to live for’ it means he doesn’t value his career much and certainly doesn’t see it as a calling.

So I think what we have here is a crap doctor and a liar, and he has probably lied through his teeth to the Other Woman as well. So let us not traduce the Other Woman; as far as I can make out, only one vow has been broken here and only one trust betrayed, and neither of those things by either of the women. The Other Woman is to be dumped on only (a) if she knew from the outset that he was firmly married, in which case she is a fool, or (b) if it was she who sent the card, which was a piece of unspeakable cruelty (though I notice the letter-writer writes ‘I received a card … congratulating my husband’ which sounds bloody strange to me).

But not only may the “nurse” (presumably everyone knows nurses are sluts at the bottom of the food chain who deserve everything they get, so she must be a nurse, QED) not have known he was married — it may not even have been she who sent the card. Dr Hubby may have thought up a devious way of letting his wife know the awful truth but shifting the blame entirely onto the O.W. by making her look like a psychotic bitch.

He sounds like a weak, manipulative, narcissistic liar and a bad doctor, and both women should dump him soonest.

Oh, and what Fyodor said.

Make the sucker pay !