Comments on: Spooky arguments for the existence God # 1

By: Bruce

Bruce — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:41:21 +0000

Can any Christians out there explain then why my fav fruit – mango is so messy?

We have masturbation covered with the banana, one needs to practice cunnilingus on something else.

By: TimT

TimT — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:53:59 +0000

Pull the other one Nabakov.

By: Nabakov

Nabakov — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:50:59 +0000

Get a grip on yourself Guido.

By: Guido

Guido — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:14:50 +0000

Just read Kieran Bennett’s response. It sort of ‘fits’ with mine! :)

By: Guido

Guido — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:13:23 +0000

So the fact that God has made arms just the right length to reach your genitals for masturbation is also a proof that he/she exists.

By: David Rubie

David Rubie — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:36:10 +0000

Can any Christians out there explain then why my fav fruit – mango is so messy?

That’s easy – it necessites bathing. God loves you, but not if you’re sticky and smelly.

By: FDB

FDB — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:27:42 +0000

“Can any Christians out there explain then why my fav fruit – mango is so messy?”

You are clearly a heathen. Remove thyself to the market with haste and repent with the fruit which God hath designed for thee. Renounce your mango-loving ways!

By: unique_stephen

unique_stephen — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:19:38 +0000

Can any Christians out there explain then why my fav fruit – mango is so messy?

By: Kieran Bennett

Kieran Bennett — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:19:59 +0000

Ahh yes, “The Atheist’s Nightmare”, Ray Comfort is a first class comedian.

My favourite response to this was an animation of an atheist in bed dreaming. God is saying “I designed it for you, just see how well it fits into your hand”. The Atheist awakes with a scream, and exclaims “God is a sick bastard!”.

By: D.W. Griffiths

D.W. Griffiths — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:32:50 +0000

So God made bananas.

Based on this, I’ve got a fair idea which %@!# created brussel sprouts.

By: wilful

wilful — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 08:09:40 +0000

I like the story, repeated to me from god knows where, about South American natives deep in the jungle, whose diet is now heavily based on plantain. These were introduced from SE Asia such a long time ago that their mythologies all incorporate creation stories for the fruit. The gods delivered it in the mists of time…

By: Gummo Trotsky

Gummo Trotsky — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:33:40 +0000

Re #5: This is your brain on Christianity.

By: FDB

FDB — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:29:12 +0000

So the vast body of evidence that every other fruit is less suited to human consumtion means what exactly?

By: TimT

TimT — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:15:41 +0000

Instructional verses to believers

Don’t be fickle!
Be like the electric pickle!

God made you corpore sano with mens sana,
Just like a tasty ripe banana!

By: David Rubie

David Rubie — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:10:07 +0000

It’s not even a very good argument.

I like the “if I leave mouldy wet bread lying around, sometimes it turns spontaneously into BEER” argument myself. Only it’s a bit hit and miss as a method so God clearly doesn’t try very hard.

By: Nabakov

Nabakov — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:18:52 +0000

Actually God is in a pickle.

By: Pavlov's Cat

Pavlov's Cat — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:42:32 +0000

Well, that was a relief. For a nasty moment there I thought you were serious.

By: Kymbos

Kymbos — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 23:34:44 +0000

Don’t monkeys have similar hands? Oh…

By: gilmae

gilmae — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:57:18 +0000

On the other hand, the banananananas we have now aren’t the original monocultured faceted yellow things. Could the blight that laid waste to the original strain of human-cultivated banananananana be taken as a sign of the vengeance of Zeus at the hubris of humans, interfering in his domain? Zeus abhors a monoculture?

By: JM

JM — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:08:28 +0000

This one’s been around for a while, but is completely whacky.

Banana’s (as we know, love ‘em and eat ‘em) are a human cultivated mutant – in all 4/5 faceted, hand-fitting form.

The things we buy in shops are all sterile clones that are “fertilised” entirely by human agriculture – they could not exist or grow without human cultivation.

“Natural” bananas on the other hand (ie. those that only need bees to reproduce) are a.) virtually inedibable as they are riddled with seeds and taste bitter; and b.) look more like avocados than the nice yellow, 4/5 faceted things that supposedly fit the human hand so well.

We can only eat the damn things because they aren’t embedded with seeds to reproduce when they fall to the ground – we are the “bees” in this case because we clone them by taking cuttings of an existing, sterile mutant strain.

In other words, bananas are the classic cultivated crop and evidence of nothing more than humanity’s capacity to grab onto something tasty and keep it going.

Nothing god-like here, nothing to see, move on.