Pointless Meanness to Spammers

I got this spam a few minutes ago, from a fellow calling himself Dave:

As I was on http://www.clubtroppo.com.au this morning, I was unable to locate a “Google Sitemap file” on your website.

I am not referring to a regular “site map” for people to visit online, but rather to a script which helps Google to read and index your website’s overall content. I advise you to visit us online where we explain clearly what a “Google Sitemap file” is and what you need to do to get one: [site name deleted to protect the shameless]

A Sitemap file is a “code” placed in the root directory of your website which captures all the crucial information about your website, thus facilitating the crawling and indexing process for Google.

Give Google easier access to your site: Get a Google Sitemap file!

We offer a full turnkey service, including Google and Yahoo Sitemap files creation + registration. Visit us online for more details.

In this cases you are not meant to reply. But the wankers already have my email so I figured I would be extremely rude to this person, who is preying on the ignorance of ordinary web site operators.

Here was my reply:

Dear Dave;

I am extremely skeptical that you visited my site. I suspect instead that a spider crawled it and pushed it into a database. Even as we speak there are no doubt thousands of other persons getting these cheerful little ditties about how stupid they are and how you can save them from the toils of ignorance and relieve them of the onerous burden of holding onto their savings in these troubled times.

We at Troppo use a curious technology called “The Correct URL for Sitemap Files”, whereby it can be found with the .xml extension. I can’t recall where I picked up the habit of following Google’s explicit (and totally free) documentation on this topic. Possibly from Google.

Consequently, Google seems to be able to find our Sitemap file. So too MSN, Yahoo, Ask and Baidu, amongst others. The only person who can’t find it is you, the person planning to advise me on making websites more searchable. Hmm.

Kindly remove from your list, and kindly stop peddling half-arsery to the web at large. Your kind are a blight on the internet.

Yours somewhat sincerely,

Jacques.

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