“And Australia Could….”

This morning a caller to Sally Loane’s ABC Radio show raised the vexed question of the “unfair advantage” accruing to the NZ All Blacks from their pre-game Haka – ‘Ka Mate! Ka Mate!’ or ‘Te Rauparaha’s Haka.’ With the World Cup looming, the caller was concerned that our national interest be properly served by tabling a host of complaints about this flagrant example of psychological steroid consumption, with the International Rugby Board.

It seems to me that a more positive approach would be to come up with a typically Australian confidence-builder that our own brave lads could utilise. A formation line-dancing arrangement of “Waltzing Matilda” maybe? Dragging some eskies onto the paddock and pelting the opposition with crushed beercans and sly allusions about the sexual proclivities of their mothers? A major Kylie dance routine to “Better the Devil You Know?”

I’m sure we could come up with something….

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2024 years ago

Geoff, there are few subjects that don’t bear such frivolity, but over here at Wallaby Fan Club Central the World Cup is one. Forget Nurse Loan, the Haka is a prized feature of international Rugby. The Waltzing Matilda that follows will continue do me. Actually, if we could substitute the real thing for the dreadful “Advance ..”, I’m sure our performance would pick up at least 5 points.

Homer Paxton
Homer Paxton
2024 years ago


There isn’t anything you can do to boost Australia at Rugby because they simply are not good enough. It happens in sport.
We just don’t have the players at the moment.

I think the All Blacks are specials now the Poms beat them in NZ!!

Gummo Trotsky
2024 years ago

We could always have the Australian team driven on the field in a bus, so that they could moon the New Zealanders through the windows. That ought to put paid to this haka nonsense.

2024 years ago

For an Australian psychological advantage, how’s about they all get pissed and bellow out “Khe San”? I mean, it’s got to be intimidating playing a team that’s so confident they’ll mop the floor with you that they’ll even play drunk.

I kinda like having the Haka there. It’s so “cultural” that my leftie heart swoons at the thought of how much my experiences are being broadened just watching it… *cough*

I was senior linesman on a soccer game a couple years back, between New Zealand’s North Somethingorother and a special East Timorese team. 14-year-old kids, but you wouldn’t have known it from the excitement in the crowd. The Kiwis did the Haka, of course, bringing in all the kids from NZ teams that hadn’t made the finals in other age divisions, and it was rather impressive. As one, the ET team burst out laughing…

Michael Jennings
2024 years ago

I have always found the haka to be profoundly stupid and ridiculous. I would like to see a crowd of 100000 Australians laugh at it, but I don’t think I will see it.

2024 years ago

There are nuff aboriginal dances that could face up to the Haka… I suggest the Emu Dance.