Breakfast at Jennifer’s

Jennifer Lopez has breakfast in the nude according to the funky side of the Sydney Morning Herald website. In the third most accessed SMH article since midnight AEST, the extraordinary talent who the New York Daily News has ungallantly dubbed “the broad-beamed Bronx bombshell” is quoted thus:

“The weirdest thing about me is that I like to walk around naked. I grew up walking around naked in my house. My mom was like that, and my sisters.

“Now I’ll be sitting at the breakfast table and everyone’s dressed except me. All the people around me are either girls or gay, so it doesn’t matter.”

This is most definitely not the weirdest thing about her. Much weirder is the whole idea that any advantage could accrue to anyone – let alone J-Lo – from publicly confiding the fact that she likes to eat her muesli doing a Nanette the Nudist number, surrounded by a whole bunch of fully clothed homosexual men and best girlfriends. What do they talk about? Euripidean Sophistry?

The article, obviously lifted by some terminally bored Fairfax graveyard shift surfer, goes on to reveal that other celebrities also like to get nude. Colin Farrell, the Irish actor, likes to dance around nude at home – to 80’s disco. 80’s disco? That’s OK then. Tom Hanks offered this bit of information overload;

“usually when I’m in a hotel room, I strip down naked and walk around on the patio,” he says. “That’s as close as I can get to a feeling of anonymity and power.” Right. I for one am eternally grateful that Tom chose not to explain the not-immediately-obvious synergy between anonymity, power and shucking your undies.

This current ‘nudity is hot’ thing – I blame the War and all those old boomer peacechicks indulging in a little retro Woodstock nostalgia – is a bit puzzling. I can sort of see the protest angle – vague (and wobbly with cellulite) though it is -but what’s this rush to confess to serious celebrity ‘I get nude’ weirdness? Could it be, that in an age when traditional celeb bad behaviour – drugs, booze etc – can only be mentioned in the same breath as ’12 step programs’ and the ‘Betty Ford Clinic’, that openly like, goin’ nude, is the last defiant gasp of artistic outlawry? God. Give me Ozzy Osbourne any day.

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Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

I wonder if J-Lo would invite me to breakfast if I improved my dress sense and developed an ostentatious interest in Rogers and Hammerstein show tunes sung by Judy Garland or Bette Midler.

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

I see James Russell finds J-Lo completely uninteresting. I admit she’s a featherhead as far as one can tell, but you wouldn’t be going to breakfast for the dazzling repartee.

woodsy
woodsy
2022 years ago

Wot ?? No bloody picture ! Lift your game Geoff, if you’re going to blog about J Lo you need a picture – preferably nude.

Gummo Trotsky
2022 years ago

Can’t resist mentioning that the category of people who are either girls or gay logically includes gay girls: wonder if that has occurred to J-Lo?

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

Ken – I’m picking that the only ostentatious interest you would need to cultivate is a deeply obsequious one, in Ms Lopez.

Wayne – I don’t have an extensive collection of big-bottomed gals-eating-brekkie-in-the-buff photographic images. Can you assist? ;-)

Gummo – I think her quote “either girls or gay” was artfully worded to exclude any prurient ponderings of lesbossian lurve. “Girls” – in J-Lo’s understanding – are clearly wimmyn who would welcome the intimate embraces of macho gangsta rappers.

Speaking of lesbossians, the Illawarra Rd Woolworths in Marrickville generated high hilarity not long ago, when a bored-sounding checkout controller called for a “price check on the lesbianese cucumbers thanks,” over the tannoy.

Last seen, a group of irate ladies of middle eastern appearance were assisting her in understanding the significant difference between lesbians and lebanese cucumbers.

Gummo Trotsky
2022 years ago

Geoff,

In my adolescence I read Daphnis and Chloe by Sappho (?) an Ancient Greek arcadian romance set on the island of Lesbos. There were frequent references to “fine lesbian sheep”, which I naturally found hilarious.

jeeff
2022 years ago

fuck off

trackback
2022 years ago

Jennifer Lopez nude

Geoff Honnor confused:”The weirdest thing about me is that I like to walk around naked. I grew up walking around naked in my house. My mom was like that, and my sisters.”Now I’ll be sitting at the breakfast table and…