Deep thinking gone awry

Here’s another of Suzy Kruhse’s joke emails. I’m sure it’s just one of the standard ones that circulate on the Internet, but some of them raised a chuckle in me, anyway.

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there’s a logical explanation, but it escapes me)

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

About Ken Parish

Ken Parish is a legal academic, with research areas in public law (constitutional and administrative law), civil procedure and teaching & learning theory and practice. He has been a legal academic for almost 20 years. Before that he ran a legal practice in Darwin for 15 years and was a Member of the NT Legislative Assembly for almost 4 years in the early 1990s.
This entry was posted in Humour. Bookmark the permalink.
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
2022 years ago

What the hell is a drive-through bank machine? Do they have them in The Big City (er, Darwin)?

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

As I said, I imagine it’s one of those joke emails that circulates over the Internet. The expression in severanl parts indicates that the author is American e.g. “ass” instead of “arse”.

2022 years ago

What’s the difference between a motorbike and a vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

These look suspiciously like the reflections of the Dalai Lama…..

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago


That one should go over like a house on fire with Chris Textor.

Gummo Trotsky
2022 years ago

Why do we never hear about any shipwreck survivors who have been towed out into deeper waters by friendly dolphins?

Why is there no memorial to the unsung genius who invented decoupage?

2022 years ago

Ahh Ken he seems like a bloke with a sense of humour.

It was too good to keep to myself.