Sorry Simon

Bill Clinton is often described as one of the keenest political intellects of the age.
Simon Crean never will be, to which his ill-advised blundering about in the crocodile-infested Second Sydney Airport swamp bears eloquent testament – were further testament to the fact not entirely superfluous, at this stage.

This morning, bum ravaged by reptilian bites, he opined that the process could have been handled better. No doubt Kaiser Wilhelm II – in morose Dutch exile – used to claim the same about the events of the summer of 1914. In both cases, apology hardly compensates for the manifest evidence as to the scale of one’s ineptitude.

I was momentarily excited when the enraged Leo “Exercyle” MacLeay announced that he was considering early retirement to punish Crean for his non-consultative approach. Living in Leo’s electorate of Watson has offered extraordinary insight into the sloth and torpor-filled non-event of longterm safe seat incumbency. For one brief, shining moment I flashed on the possibility of a better quality member – an introverted, dyslexic wombat would fit the bill – but then I remembered that, to date, he’s only managed to fit one of his two sons up with a Parliamentary salary. He won’t be going anywhere until he’s used his influence to ensure that his other boy is connected into a nice little legislative earner first.

Joining Leo’s outrage were Anthony Albanese and Tanya Plibersek from the innerurbanati flight path-affected Left and Laurie Brereton from the flight-path affected Right. Even Bob McMullan joined in and his seat’s in Canberra.

There was incontrovertible proof that Simon had consulted – Mark Latham in fact. Or maybe Mark had consulted Simon. It wasn’t entirely clear. Latho used to be a staunch supporter of the Badgery’s Creek option until the in depth aviation industry analysis inherent in adverse internal polling persuaded him otherwise. “It’s the right decision for Western Sydney” Mark crowed the other day, thus making things infinitely worse.

Crean should have taken a leaf out of the Coalition’s book. Consult widely, commission reviews and then keep putting any decision off until we’re all buzzing round in individual, jet-propelled personal air travel vehicles and airports become redundant. Hopefully.

In the meantime Simon’s ill-advised venture into the hornets nest has released the usual flock of wild-eyed suspects with ‘THE ANSWER!!’: build a new airport at Thirroul! Fast rail connection from Canberra/Goulburn/ Darwin! Build runways into the Pacific! Reclaim Botany Bay! Tunnel under the Royal National Park! Annex Tuvalu and tow it adjacent to Kingsord Smith on large helium-filled balloons!

It’s going to take forever to get them rounded up and back on to the correct lithium dosing schedule. Thanks for nothing ya know-nothing Melbourne dickhead….