Sorry Simon

Bill Clinton is often described as one of the keenest political intellects of the age.
Simon Crean never will be, to which his ill-advised blundering about in the crocodile-infested Second Sydney Airport swamp bears eloquent testament – were further testament to the fact not entirely superfluous, at this stage.

This morning, bum ravaged by reptilian bites, he opined that the process could have been handled better. No doubt Kaiser Wilhelm II – in morose Dutch exile – used to claim the same about the events of the summer of 1914. In both cases, apology hardly compensates for the manifest evidence as to the scale of one’s ineptitude.

I was momentarily excited when the enraged Leo “Exercyle” MacLeay announced that he was considering early retirement to punish Crean for his non-consultative approach. Living in Leo’s electorate of Watson has offered extraordinary insight into the sloth and torpor-filled non-event of longterm safe seat incumbency. For one brief, shining moment I flashed on the possibility of a better quality member – an introverted, dyslexic wombat would fit the bill – but then I remembered that, to date, he’s only managed to fit one of his two sons up with a Parliamentary salary. He won’t be going anywhere until he’s used his influence to ensure that his other boy is connected into a nice little legislative earner first.

Joining Leo’s outrage were Anthony Albanese and Tanya Plibersek from the innerurbanati flight path-affected Left and Laurie Brereton from the flight-path affected Right. Even Bob McMullan joined in and his seat’s in Canberra.

There was incontrovertible proof that Simon had consulted – Mark Latham in fact. Or maybe Mark had consulted Simon. It wasn’t entirely clear. Latho used to be a staunch supporter of the Badgery’s Creek option until the in depth aviation industry analysis inherent in adverse internal polling persuaded him otherwise. “It’s the right decision for Western Sydney” Mark crowed the other day, thus making things infinitely worse.

Crean should have taken a leaf out of the Coalition’s book. Consult widely, commission reviews and then keep putting any decision off until we’re all buzzing round in individual, jet-propelled personal air travel vehicles and airports become redundant. Hopefully.

In the meantime Simon’s ill-advised venture into the hornets nest has released the usual flock of wild-eyed suspects with ‘THE ANSWER!!’: build a new airport at Thirroul! Fast rail connection from Canberra/Goulburn/ Darwin! Build runways into the Pacific! Reclaim Botany Bay! Tunnel under the Royal National Park! Annex Tuvalu and tow it adjacent to Kingsord Smith on large helium-filled balloons!

It’s going to take forever to get them rounded up and back on to the correct lithium dosing schedule. Thanks for nothing ya know-nothing Melbourne dickhead….

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Dave Ricardo
Dave Ricardo
2022 years ago

So what would you do if you had to make the decision, smarty pants?

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

He already told you. Obfuscate! And he’s right (as usual).

woodsy
woodsy
2022 years ago

Leave Darwin out of it thank you very much!! Our railway took 124 years to build (I suspect the second airport for Sydney will take almost as long), is five months ahead of schedule and under budget. We’ll be zooming back and forth to Adelaide and all points south years before Simple and his mates get to make any important decisions. Especially if he keeps put his toes in his gob like this.

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

Wayne,

If you’re online and you see this, please phone me at home. I’m trying to recruit guinea pig with a 55.6k modem to test an audio streaming file for me.

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

Dave – do you think I was born yesterday?

Woodsy – 124 years to get a railway up and you can finally get to….well….Adelaide. I’d opt for a run to Humpty Doo if I was you.

mark
2022 years ago

Y’old broadband braggart, Ken!

(BTW, it’s 56k, or 56700 baud)

Scott Wickstein
2022 years ago

No all expenses paid dinners at Hahndorf for you then Honnor!

mark
2022 years ago

Don’t worry about Scott, Geoff. As long as he doesn’t offer to let you drink the water, you’re pretty safe in Adelaide.

I mean, you might get bored enough to want to drink the water just for a little excitement (NOT a good idea), but who’s a Canberra boy to talk?

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

We’ll split the bill Scott.

bargarz
2022 years ago

Ergh I’d forgotten Adelaide’s water. Thanks for the memories mark! ;P

For those who haven’t sampled the delights of Adelaide’s aqua, take a handful of coins from your pocket and dump them in a glass of water.
Leave standing overnight, then drink.
That’s about it.

How come Coopers Ale is so damn good?

woodsy
woodsy
2022 years ago

Yo bargarz, didn’t you mean to write;
take a handful of coins from your pocket and dump them in a glass of water.
Leave standing overnight, throw the disgusting discoloured liquid away, then suck the coins

woodsy
woodsy
2022 years ago

Yo bargarz, didn’t you mean to write;
take a handful of coins from your pocket and dump them in a glass of water.
Leave standing overnight, throw the disgusting discoloured liquid away, then suck the coins

Scott Wickstein
2022 years ago

The reason why Coopers is so good despite Adelaide’s dodgy water is that there are a few very good springs in Adelaide which provide brewers with high quality water.

Whereas, most Adelaide residents get their water fresh from the Murray river.

In fact, the West End brewery now allows people to take their water cooler jugs to a tap and fill them up for a gold coin donation.

Myself, I use rainwater so I don’t have a problem.