Shut the bloody gate!

Fount of blogospherical wisdom, Bargarz, points to the lamentable tendency for Simon Crean to emerge like some cheapjack, showbag Jack-in-the-box – roughly every fortnight – to report on his latest “gate’ discovery. “This is ethanolgate” he sonorously pronounced shortly before Manildra passed irrevocably to the back political burner. Yesterday he burbled that, “this is now Abbottgate.” Which means, I suppose, that the whole thing is about to inevitably fade from view.

It’s an interesting strategy: keep Simon under wraps except for occasional gate sightings, kind of like the weather report – or an alternative to train-spotting maybe? Is there secret polling that reveals some Pavlovian voter response to gates?

Given that Margo’s Webdiary is currently spinning feverishly on dark conspiracy overload, I would have thought that sightings of out-of-control washing machines might have more currency. “This is ethanol on rapid spin cycle with unbalanced load lights flashing! This is Abbott on boiling water wash with uncontrollable reversion to delicates and permanent press! No good can come of this!” Alternatively he could just use the good Australian vernacular of rort.

It’s a top word, rort. It combines – appropriately in four letters – the notion of ripping, rooting, offing and torting in mellifluous onomatopoeia. It sounds exactly what it is. What’s more, it conveys the message with unmistakable Aussie directness and clarity – which could be why Simon-in-a-box doesn’t use it.

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Mork
Mork
2022 years ago

Shit, Geoff, I was halfway through making exactly the same point about Simple Simon underneath Ken’s post . . . got distracted halfway though, and you’ve beaten me to it.

I dunno, maybe I make too much of trivial things, but sometimes one little thing about a person seems to reveal a lot about their character and capacity.

That Simon would think that sticking “-gate” on the end of anything is a valid and useful political device seems to me to speak volumes about the fundamental inanity of the man.

Robert
2022 years ago

Was just commenting on this to a colleague this morning. Show some ingenuity, Crean! (Or sack your media advisers…)

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

Mork – I know how you feel. Comes a great flood of inspiration and while you’re crafting your brilliantly incisive take, someone like Judge Parish comes schmoozing up the blogpike to unleash “champetry” on an admiring world.

Robert – that would be Vivian Schenker. Case closed.

bargarz
2022 years ago

Hehe. When I saw Simon on TV I was actually embarrassed for the poor sod.

Dave Ricardo
Dave Ricardo
2022 years ago

Gate as mindless suffix to scandal du jour is something that only somebody who came of age in the 70s, in a particularly shallow way, could think of.

Take a bow, Vivian.

It also shows the dangers of unthinkingly adopting little Americanisms. I think we should adopt home grown labels for our scandals.

Anyone got any suggestions?

Ron Mead
Ron Mead
2022 years ago

Given that the original “-gate” happened over 30 years ago, I guess that just emphasises that Crean is well and truly yesterday’s man. Perhaps “-whiteboard” would be more appropriate, although Ros Kelly’s misadventures are also fast receding into the distant past. Is there a beaut suffix that can refer to “I did not have sex with that woman?” Abbott-Monica just doesn’t quite have that ring to it. Maybe Abbott-sucks comes closer.

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

Dave/Ron – Exposed! As people who don’t “continue reading.” If you had, you would have noticed my (Lawsonian I thought) suggestion for supplanting this blow-in terminology.

cs
cs
2022 years ago

So how come many seem to characterise the blogosphere as crass and shallow? Well spotted Geoff.

[and that takes care of my linking duty]

Ron Mead
Ron Mead
2022 years ago

Not sure what you’re referring to about not reading on, Geoff. I was just adding further possibilities.

Robert
2022 years ago

Judging by his 7.30 Report performance, “I did not offer money to that man” seems to fit the bill.

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

My apologies Ron.

bargarz
2022 years ago

Ron, how about Abbotmon?

Abbotmon I choose you!(to resign)
Fat chance.

mark
2022 years ago

“Blow-in”, Geoff?

I don’t think you’ll catch Crean using words like “rort” — to my mind, they seem tied most strongly to Labor, or to unions. Sort of: “Abbot is a slimy, rorting scumbag!” followed by a public reaction of “well, at least he’s caught up.”

Wrote a post on an early(ish) incarnation of infiniteBabble about Clinton and Bush “I did not have sexual/business relations with that woman/company” (or summat like that — it was a while back), and how if the pattern continued, we’d have future Presidents attempting to outdo each other in how bizarre their rebuttals of assertions of relationships could get. Needless to say, it was hysterically funny, and it’s a true and total loss to the Internet that it’s not online anymore.

*ahem*

Robert
2022 years ago

Nonsense, Mark, rort is a universal word that can be chucked around effectively in all directions. Peter Reith’s phonecard scandal was a rort, Mal Colston was involved in travel rorts, at the end of last year Helen Coonan was involved in a rort, John Herron rorted by retiring.

In fact, if you Google for “rort”, it’s mainly football teams that are doing it, apparently…

mark
2022 years ago

I didn’t say it wasn’t universal, Rob.

Niall
2022 years ago

Call it all what you will, it’s just more grist to the Australian political mill proving the growing lazy approach to representation of the Howard Cabal and the increasingly despairing ineptitude of the side which glories in the title of “Opposition”

Tony.T
2022 years ago

It’s not just Crean though. Nearly every time a Labor polly fronts the press they invariable try to hang their response on some pithy combo-word. (like combo-word) whatever-Gate’s their fave though. No doubt about that.

cs
cs
2022 years ago

‘Combo-word’? Someone rang me up the other day to tell me that they had just heard poor old Simon on the radio. The media had turned to him for a grab, and he replied in his over-serious way, saying slowly and definitely: “Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear” at which point the allocated grab time terminated, and that was all that was broadcast. Dear oh dear.

trackback
2022 years ago

A real Hansongate?

There’s an aspect to the slush fund fiasco that I missed until this afternoon:Yesterday, Mr Sharples also claimed that another…