Croc Drop Shock!

A 10 year old girl is mauled by a croc in a billabong at Patonga in Kakadu and where do I read about it? In The Australian breaking news! What has become of the Northern Territory News? Surely that publication’s sole raison d’etre is to record the table d’hote proclivities of resident reptiles – a bit like the social pages of the SMH……but all they can come up with is a brave burger buyer tackling a drunken knife-wielder in Maccas in Darwin and some mentally-ill person who has apparently been sitting in a jail cell in Alice Springs awaiting Mental Health Team intervention since 1996. Priorities, priorities….

Readers will be pleased to hear that the little girl is doing OK and isn’t seriously injured. Not so the croc. It’s dead in fact. Rangers found a 2.13 specimen sitting on a sandbank adjacent to the scene of the crime, convened a properly-constituted court, examined the evidence, found the reptile guilty and sentenced it to death. ” We could tell it was the perpetrator by it’s class” explained Kakadu Crocs bloke Garry Lindner.

I wonder what class it was? Maybe an evil upper-class twit, twirling it’s crocodilan moustache and laughing maniacally like the Joker in the Batman movie? Or a spliff-smoking verbally-challenged loser, sniffing glue and doing bad Rap? I await tomorrow’s NT News for the details….

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Ron Mead
Ron Mead
2024 years ago

Not armadillo-like, surely, Geoff?

2024 years ago

Class warfare! That croc is a hero! He’s just suffering from Working Class Rage, which is like Black Rage, except instead of blacks it affects “proles”, and instead of white establishment enforcers it’s little rich kids (comparatively so; I’ll be she has more money than the croc!) who get attacked.

How dare they so effectively wield the Rifle of Correction without an effective trial of the croc’s peers, who would doubtless recognise the heroic struggle against The Man and acquit immediately! It’s the only way to send a message: this time, the crocs are biting back.

(Bet you never thought I’d write a shrill, unsubtle parody of *our* side, eh? Oh, and good to hear the girl’s okay.)

2024 years ago

For your info, this story had the front page in the Sunday Territorian. The NT News is still the premier news source for giant snapping handbags.