I note – via the SMH – that Qantas will no longer permit people to ‘congregate’ on long haul flights, with particular reference to hanging around outside the loos. The directive was apparently issued late yesterday by the US Transport and Security Administration, which is demanding that pilots make a pre-flight announcement banning passengers from “congregating in groups around toilets or anywhere else in the aircraft.” It’s unclear whether this directive is based on evidence that terrorists are currently hanging around outside the loos trading the latest hints and tips in exploding sock techniques or, is merely meant as a precautionary measure. Whatever, it shows precious little familiarity with the grim reality of long-haul international air travel. The worthies at the USTSA should maybe test their own extended bladder retention capability (EBRC) between LA and Sydney before they consign the rest of us to our grim fate. What do you do if you’re in Coach? Stick your hand up and wait till some Trolly Dolly deigns to respond to your presumptuous imposition on her/his valuable time?
‘May I go to the toilet please.”
“No. You may not at, this time. All toilet facilities are prioritised for our valued First and Business class passengers until 2 hours before arrival when you will be alerted to your 1.25 minute Allocated Toilet Time (ATT). In the meantime, it would help us if you refrained from eating or drinking as unreasonable economy passenger demands for these services inconveniences both your Inflight Service Team (IST) and your practice of effective bladder and bowel retention control techniques (EBBRCT). Do not ask for anything and remember that any unauthorised seat egress (USE) will be instantly countered by our crack team of Inflight Safety Commandos (ISC). Have a good flight and thank you for flying Qantas.