Northern Territory Etiquette

Here’s a Suzy email, almost certainly more locally representative than her tantric poem immediately below:

General Rules
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
It’s tacky to take an esky to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
Even if you’re certain you’re included in the will, it’s rude to take
the trailer to the funeral home.

When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
as not to bruise the wine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
Don’t allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in
private, using ones OWN ute keys.
Even if you live alone, deodorant isn’t a waste of money.
Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as it detracts from a
woman’s jewellery and alters the taste of finger foods.

DATING (outside the family)
Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
Be assertive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go
out with you since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago.”
Establish with her parents what time she’s expected back. Some will say
10:00 PM, others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it’s
the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the
movie ends.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can’t hear you.

Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a cummerbund and
a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for the occasion.

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun’s
loaded and the roo’s in sight.
When approaching a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest tyres
doesn’t always have the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it’s impolite
to ask her to also bring back beer.

About Ken Parish

Ken Parish is a legal academic, with research areas in public law (constitutional and administrative law), civil procedure and teaching & learning theory and practice. He has been a legal academic for almost 20 years. Before that he ran a legal practice in Darwin for 15 years and was a Member of the NT Legislative Assembly for almost 4 years in the early 1990s.
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David Tiley
2022 years ago

Are you trying to suggest Territorians are rednecks? Surely not – you are on the train line.

2022 years ago

So that’s what the train line was all about.

David Tiley
2022 years ago

O yes. Like the British of old, the federal government is on a Civilising Mission.

Won’t work of course. The NT economy is really a huge version of a wild west train robbery. Blow the safe and run for the hills.

David Tiley
2022 years ago

and, BTW, I found an american list about “bluenecks” at which has a coupla giggles.