Rhea Endin’

News today from Rhea County, Tennessee where county commissioners have just voted 8-0 to ban homosexual acts. “We need to keep them out of here,” said Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who introduced the motion – and who appears to be blissfully unaware that the US Supreme Court has recently ruled otherwise.

Located in the Appalachians, 30 miles north of Chattanooga, Rhea County is famous as the site of the 1925 Scopes Trial which resulted in teacher, John Scopes being convicted of teaching evolution. It seems that no-one in Rhea County is descended from monkeys, though it’s less clear as to whether romantic interludes with mules and cows might not have contributed to the current population.

The Commissioners’ fears may be misplaced. A quick check reveals that Rhea County has yet to make it onto the list of highly desirable gay locales despite the obviously intoxicating allure of the County’s name. If I was J.C. Fugate, I’d be more worried about getting the County’s name changed before all this notoriety gives some people entirely the wrong idea.

Update

Rheaguard action?

After the deluge of world attention, some Rhea County commissioners are now saying that they didn’t know what they were voting for. Strictly off the record, Commissioner Edna Purvis Peabody observed:

“I thought JC was sayin’ it was the rays. We had to keep the rays outta here and having just spent all that money on new county commission furniture, why, blinds sounded like a fine idea to me.”

Other commissioners apparently thought the vote was just about gay marriage.
Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who offered the motion, says there’s no need to reopen the debate. He says he’s clear on what he meant and what the other commissioners voted for. The motion directs County Attorney Gary Fritts to find the best way to enact a local law banning gays from living in Rhea County.

And in breaking news…….

Rhea County commissioners have voted to rescind their earlier ban by the same vote as that which enacted it – 8-0

The Chattanoogan reports that a “carnival atmosphere” prevailed as the commissioners filed in (under police guard) voted and swiftly departed.

But let me share The Chattanoogan’s atmospherics

“Demonstrators from both sides sparred heatedly inside and outside the historic courthouse.

The controversial vote had brought media attention from throughout the country.

June Griffin, a Christian activist, said the commissioners had bowed to “pressure from the liberal press.”

She said, “We need to raise a better generation that won’t chicken out.” She said the majority of Rhea County residents supported the resolution.

Mrs. Griffin said she did not believe there are any gays living in Rhea County. She said, “Anyone I ever suspect, I go up and ask them directly.” She said anyone she had asked had denied it.

But Daniel Shipley said he lives in Graysville near the Hamilton County line and is “gay and proud of it.”

He walked up to June Griffin and said, “Honey, I’m gay and I want you to know I’m dressed as good as you.”

Mr. Shipley said there are “a lot of gays in Rhea County.”

One man at the brief meeting said the commission “kicked a hornet nest. They’ve made a laughingstock of Rhea County.”

A man from Dunlap, who had a truck with anti-gay writing on it, was passing out tracts. The truck said, “Sodomites Don’t Produce, They Recruit.”

A number of young people demonstrated against the resolution.

One held a sign that said, “Judge not that ye be not judged.”

Another said, “The Gluttonous Are Next” – an apparent reference to the portly JC Fugate, the commissioner who orginally moved the banning motion.”

It’s wonderful stuff!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.
17 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Niall
2022 years ago

ahhhh, yes. More of that marvellous Amerikkan christian tolerance.

cs
cs
2022 years ago

All I can say before anyone else does Geoff is … ah fugate (sorry)

Geoff Honnor
Geoff Honnor
2022 years ago

I’m not sure that it’s definitive of “America”
per se. America is also the country that brings us Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Niall.

Gummo Trotsky
2022 years ago

Geoff,

Officially, Queer Eye doesn’t originate in America but in a nebulous region known as the “Left Coast” which is to America as Christmas Island is to Australia.

James Dudek
James Dudek
2022 years ago

New York is on the “left coast” Gummo?

nardo
2022 years ago

LOL very fanny, geoff!

Gianna
2022 years ago

bugger (sorry), you stole my line, Chris.

mark
2022 years ago

Hee!

This issue is crying out to be mocked, and you did a bang-up job of doing just that, Geoff.

Geoff Kenney
Geoff Kenney
2022 years ago

Donkeys and cows maybe, but not mules.

Geoff Kenney
Geoff Kenney
2022 years ago

Donkeys and cows maybe, but not mules.

James Hamilton
James Hamilton
2022 years ago

Mules don’t reproduce, they recruit.

slatts
slatts
2022 years ago

All this attention must have ’em squealin’ like piggies.

STEPHANIE NANCE
STEPHANIE NANCE
2022 years ago

YOU CANT BAN SOMEONE FROM LEAVING RHEA COUNTY BECAUSE J.C.FUGATE GOT CAUGHT HIMSELF WITH 2 MEN HIMSELF SO HE HAS NO ROOM TO TAK IF ANYDODY SHOULD BE BANNED I SHOULD BE MURDERS AND RAPEST AND J.C.FUGATE HIMSELF

Michael Saripkin
Michael Saripkin
2022 years ago

The Commissions actions were criminal, and the Tennessee Attorney General needs to consider felony charges be filed against each one, especially Fugate. If there is not a law on the books under which they can be charged, then maybe we should ask the Tennessee Legislature to amend the Constitution to make one. Just a thought.

BE Bradly
BE Bradly
2022 years ago

Christian radical morons. The only difference between these fucking zealots and Middle Eastern suicide bombers is their geographical location….it’s the same mindset.

trackback
2022 years ago

When banning marriage isn’t enough

From those wonderful folks who gave you the Scopes “Monkey Trial” … The Rhea County Commission in Tennessee didn’t think efforts to ban gay marriage go far enough in eradicating that there darned homosexual menace. So last week, they…

trackback
2022 years ago

When banning marriage isn’t enough

From those wonderful folks who gave you the Scopes “Monkey Trial” … The Rhea County Commission in Tennessee didn’t think efforts to ban gay marriage go far enough in eradicating that there darned homosexual menace. So last week, they…