Top End Sex

I can’t resist covering this story from the NT News:

Territorians don’t mind an orgy and are not embarrassed to use sex toys, survey of sexual habits shows.

Sixty four per cent of Territory women and 48 per cent of men admitted to having been in a threesome.

Fifty per cent of men admitted to being unfaithful and 33 per cent to having visited a brothel.

And 23 per cent said they had had sex with an online partner, the national survey by Australia’s biggest selling men’s magazine, FHM, showed.

“Territorians are a randy bunch,” editor John Bastick said.

He said the rest of Australia thought Territorians were prudish, despite them topping several categories in the sex survey.

“This is not true – you’re clearly shagging your brains out,” he said. …

But the Territory wasn’t always on top in the survey.

Territory men spend only six to 10 minutes on what Mr Bastick called “humpy-pumpy”, whereas the national average was 14-17 minutes.

The survey also showed Canberrans had more sex than anyone else. …

My God, how pathetic! Even 17 minutes is pretty damn ordinary, but 6!!! The Wicking cartoon in todays NT News has a potential explanation. It depicts an ugly, scowling wife and a beer-gutted, blue-singleted bloke talking on the phone to a mate and saying: “Yeah, well, we can’t risk the paper bag ripping … ha ha ha“. I reckon the explanation’s much simpler; most of the survey respondents haven’t got the faintest idea what good sex actually is:

Mr Bastick admits the FHM readership was young, 18-24 years.

As for the rest of the survey, all I can say is that I must be very atypical. I’ve never had phone sex (in fact I don’t reckon there’s any such thing; it’s just a self-protective euphemism for sad little people wanking over their PCs); haven’t been in a threesome; have never used a sex toy; and haven’t visited a brothel since I was in my 20s.

But I did get a laugh out of local comedian Phil O’Brien’s take on the survey:

Mr O’Brien has done his own sex survey.

“I surveyed the Humpty Doo area and 97 per cent of women really enjoy running their hands through generous amounts of back hair,” he said.

“Also, 98 per cent reckon the sight of a beer gut in early morning light is quite arousing.”

About Ken Parish

Ken Parish is a legal academic, with research areas in public law (constitutional and administrative law), civil procedure and teaching & learning theory and practice. He has been a legal academic for almost 20 years. Before that he ran a legal practice in Darwin for 15 years and was a Member of the NT Legislative Assembly for almost 4 years in the early 1990s.
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Sedgwick
2022 years ago

Surveys are rent with margins of error. It gives rise to the possibility that 64% of women and 48% of men may have only been in a 2.75some. (And when sexual preferences are distributed, what is the 2pp figure?)

CurrencyLad
CurrencyLad
2022 years ago

I need to get out more.

jen
jen
2022 years ago

Parish, you dribble all over your hand, get the phone and you shove it, er no, work it gently into….you have run out of credit.
Phone sex – it is an all by yourself situation, strictly for the solitary fucker. Although you are a lawyer and maybe if you were bad enough….

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

Fresh out of KY Cream … Wouldn’t fit in USB port … Not like blowup Sharon Stone doll … Too many hard edges … Must be Platonic love … One of those iMacs mightn’t be so bad though … Smooth and curvaceous … Is that why Apple lovers are so passionate? Not enough sleep … too silly …

Robert
2022 years ago

Does the fact that NT men only last six minutes go some way to explaining why its women are “not embarassed to use sex toys”?

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

And possibly why so many need to engage in threesomes.

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

Changing tack slightly. If I remember rightly, the journo who wrote this NT News classic was once engaged to the current lord mayor of Darwin, until she was caught in a compromising position with another bloke in a toilet at Parliament House. And her father was a lord mayor as well.

jen.mcculloch
jen.mcculloch
2022 years ago

Parish You gossip!!!!!!
Dunny sex yuck

Ken Parish
Ken Parish
2022 years ago

It might have been a lift rather than a toilet, and NT House rather than Parliament House. My memory’s a bit vague. But I’m pretty sure it was covered in the media gossip columns at the time, so I’m sure some reader will correct me where I’m wrong.

I’m also pretty sure Lorelei wouldn’t mind being gossiped about. She’s a pretty down-to-earth person and a great woman (and great Territory character). In fact, I just Googled Lorelei and discovered that most of the stories she writes seem to be about sex. She’s Darwin’s answer to Emma Tom. Mind you, many would say that if Emma Tom is the answer then it must have been a pretty silly question.

goetz von berlichingen
goetz von berlichingen
2022 years ago

Fifty per cent of men admitted to being unfaithful

I love the use of ‘admitted’ in cases like these.

May be it should be ‘bragged’,
or may be it was Jimmy Carter unfaithfulness:
– whosoever looketh after a women to lust after her hath committed adultery already in his heart.

Gianna
2022 years ago

yeah, i read that too and my first thought was damn, i wish i’d moved to canberra. but it’s bad survey reporting really. they make it sound like it’s all canberrans etc and then you find the respondents are aged 18-24.

but ken, you’ve just given me an idea. i hereby volunteer to run the inaugural blogger sex survey. my email address is gianna47@optusnet.com.auNOSPAM. responses will of course be held in strictest confidence.