Yes alright, the election is on 9 October. So?* The big news of the day is that Kerry Armstrong has slagged our Kylie and our Nicole:
“I truly believe with acting and singing those two have done more damage than anyone I’ve ever seen,” she said. “I really do believe there is a correlation with the despair we’re feeling and the fact that Kylie Minogue cannot sing. Why has she become a national icon? For achieving something that was beyond her ability.
“The fact that Meryl Streep had to stand beside Nicole Kidman in The Hours – I just thought it was unbearable.”
Is she just trying to get publicity for her new film? Early onset menopause? Or just plain bitchiness? I mean, admittedly Nicole isn’t the world’s greatest actor, but she’s at least moderately competent. And good looks have always given actors a walk-up start to superstardom. It’s hardly a new phenomenon, although you can understand competitors like Armstrong, who is doubly handicapped by modest talent and very ordinary looks, being a bit peeved.
As for Kylie, well it’s true that she can’t sing, dance or act to save herself, but she’s got a great butt and that means a lot. And she joins a long line of dubiously-talented gay kitsch icons, a proud tradition where shameless excess is much more important than talent. Actually, Jen is in the process of formulating the script and soundtrack for her new story-dance morality play extravaganza, in which a sexual harasser boss gets aggressively sexually harassed in turn by a gang of outrageously campy gay boys. It needs a danceable gay torch song as accompaniment. Think “Singin’ In the Rain” during the seminal scene of A Clockwork Orange. Kylie’s “I Should Be So Lucky” might even be a contender, although it’s more than a tad insipid. Personally I favour Edith Piaf singing “Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien”. Jen will come up with her own solution, but it can’t hurt to give her a few extra ideas. Any suggestions?
* Although I have to admit that starting his election announcement press conference with the statement “This election, ladies and gentlemen, will be about trust“, as Howard did, added a genuinely classy touch. It’s right up there with Bill Clinton’s immortal “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky“.