Sunbeam’s Personal Groomer ($14.95) removes the unsightly hair that grows from a man’s nostrils when he reaches a certain age. It appears along with Remington’s Precision Dual-Head Nose, Ear, and Eyebrow trimmer ($22.95) on page 71 of this week’s Bulletin. That just about sums about everything you need to know about the Bulletin and its declining readership.
If I imagined the Bulletin as human it would be male, balding, divorced, overweight, and probably on Prozac. It would drive a company owned Ford Fairmont and listen to greatest hits from the 70s, 80s, and 80s. Occasionally it would wonder why young professional women don’t find it attractive.
While supermarket shriekers like New Idea lead with pictures of Princess Mary, Brad Pitt, and Oprah, the Bulletin prefers hard news like their recent cover story about a celebrity who finds his long lost adopted son ("He’s beautiful – absolutely beautiful" says his mum). On page 13 there’s a story about a Northern territory bloke who called another bloke a poofter, while on page 34 you can read about a guy called ‘Jesus’ who’s very good at playing poker. And if you ever wondered what Tony Abbott’s naked legs looked like, then you can find out on page 18. It’s pretty demanding stuff.
According to Andrew Norton at Catallaxy the Bulletin’s circulation "is in disastrous decline". While he’d be sorry to see it go Andrew admits that he "stopped subscribing long ago, and probably only buy two or three issues a year."
And why would you buy it? According ACP’s own readership data, the percentage of Ralph readers who prefer to eat healthy snacks is higher than the percentage of Bulletin readers with degrees or diplomas. A disturbingly high proportion of the magazine’s readers are over 50. The articles are dumbed-down, there are too many large, uninteresting pictures, and the graphic design is ordinary. I wouldn’t subscribe even if it came with a free nose hair trimmer.