Every Sunday evening I take time out of my busy schedule to help readers with their problems. As this is the internet, many of my most troubled readers are sock puppets and characters from fiction. This week a character from Batman escapes from the canon to ask my help while Ms Winter from LP wants to know whether I think the government should protect from ‘creepy‘ fan fiction based on tv personalities. And no Ms Winter, no government can protect you from your own emotions.
Mr Joker writes "Here’s my problem Doc. Though I’ve always considered myself more than straight on the Kinsey scale, there’s this guy in a latex suit who wears his underwear on the outside who always goes around beating me up. And I seem to like it. In fact I seem to always want to get into situations where I draw his attention so that he can beat me up. And sometimes I try to beat him up too, not that I actually can, but in a manner of speaking. I’m no match for him physically but I throw bombs at him, spray him with poison gas, lay booby traps for him, that kind of stuff. And I get a kick out of it, and I think he does too."
Mr Joker, why do you assume that your relationship with Mr Batman has a sexual motivation? Many men and women enjoy violent encounters with each other without becoming confused about their sexual orientation.
For example, when Bill Heffernan told Senator Fiona Nash to "blow it out her backside" he was not suggesting that they should engage in some kind of sexual liaison. Nor was Mark Latham attempting foreplay when he crash tacked a taxi driver and broke his arm. The violence here was purely platonic. And I’m sure Mr Keating would be very offended if you suggested that his clashes with Dr Hewson were the result of of unrequited lust.
Of course if you search the web carefully you may find examples of that most exotic of all fanfic genres — politician slash. And in the alternative ‘verse of a fanfic parliament, who knows what’s possible? Perhaps you and your nemesis should consider running for office.
Ms Winter, if you find that disturbing then you must be very new to the internet. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Perhaps other readers would like to assist Ms Winter in her campaign to ban ‘creepy’ fanfic by providing other examples of things that should never have been allowed. Ms Winter has expressed a special interest in fanfic based on bloggers.