“Talk to the Hand”. That’s the message the Prime Minister is giving the Australian people as an attempt at a cheerful smile collapses into a Dick Cheney impersonation with the results of yesterday’s Newspoll
What’s going wrong in the house of Howard? Is the greatest politician of our times losing his touch? Who could be to blame? Janet Albrehctsen has a theory. She blames you.
The blame lies much closer to home. It lies in the average Australian home.
We just don’t know hardship like we used to according to Janet, and so now we’re getting complacent. She illustrates her point with bitchy talk about some of the less up-to-date multi-millionaires in her street.
Across large swaths of Australia, hardship is now defined as not owning a flat-screen television.
Well I’ve got news for Janet. The word’s got out. Despite the miracle of Chinese manufacturing that has allowed much of the nation to reequip its fleet of televisions we’ve been disappointed to discover that it ships with the same old talking head.
Sorry Janet, you’re wrong. It’s not about Workchoices, Iraq, or any of those things. But it is about complacency. The Prime Minister’s complacency.
Over the years we’ve taken the trouble to invest in the digital set top box, and the crystal clear flat screen display, and now more than ever we are getting a clear, high resolution picture of John Howard, and what we are seeing is a man just letting himself go. Pass this message onto the PM for us please Janet. It’s urgent!
Prime Minister, it’s not about us mate. It’s about you! You’re looking a bit, what’s the word? Unfashoinable? Can’t you do something about your head? Lose the glasses! Try contact lenses or even laser treatment. Get some Advanced Hair and a bit of a Sam Newman style facelift.
Get yourself a personal trainer, and ditch the daffy walk for some Raybans and Rollerblades. Fit yourself out for some sluggos and get beachside. Lose the wife Prime Minister, and get a Harley and a blonde. Kirribilli is crying out for a major makeover – Think Backyard Blitz and outdoor entertaining in the best address on Sydney harbour, and invite the people of Australia over to see it transformed. We’re looking for inspiration Prime Minister. Show us the way.
You know that Kevin Rudd is beating you hands down with his Sunrise gig. It’s time you fought back with wall to wall Who Weekly and Lifestyle shows. Go the grope on one of those hot hot hoties on Dancing with the Stars, the blokes of Australia will cheer (under their breath). The population will get a growth spurt, and you’ll get the payback in the ballot box.
Prime Minister, you’ve given this grateful nation wall to wall flat-screen tellies, now take advantage of that opportunity. It’s time to face your mid-life crisis like a man.
“Mid-life crisis” Howard is nearly 70, mate.
Ahh, memories. It seems like it was only last year that Janet – amongst others – was chastising David Williamson for ‘sneering’ that ordinary Australians are too focused on materialism. Leave off the ordinary Australians and their aspirational ways, she demanded.
I wonder if those alluded to “others” will pile on Janet…LOLERSKATES!!!!one
I kill myself sometimes.
It’s that belief, you see. Born to rule, and all that stuff. Menzies believed it, Fraser believed it and Howard most certainly believes it. The people don’t, however.
Time for a change!
No wonder I feel ripped off by Howard – I haven’t yet received my flat screen TV. . .
Grendel said:
I got 4 kids and an old plain jane telly. I blame the PM……
For the first time in a decade we get a young Howard with Hair leading Labor and they all wonder why the polls are so favourably disposed towards him and his party. Crikey, he’s even leading the mob to get Hilali run out of town.
Answer yourselves a few hypothetical questions. Will Rudd Labor ditch Workchoices unfair dismissals?(which was all the smokescreen was about in the first place) Will it allow boat arrivals to land or continue offshoring? Will we be staying the course in Afghanistan and ET, after our troops are no longer required in Iraq before the next election? Will we get a massive shift to public education at the expense of private education? Will wall to wall Labor suddenly see an end to Federal State buckpassing on just about everything you can bloody well think of? After one term of Labor will our GG emissions be higher or lower? As for Rollback spare me!
Did you read the results of some recent fine attitude polling about the two parties’ political chances. Basically it came down to a feeling that we’ve done the hard yards on the economy and ‘It’s Time’ to be a bit warmer and fuzzier about these things. Until the bastards blow up some more of us, want to hijack container ships to get here, while we’re being asked to pay more to continue on our blase fossilly ways that is. It’s then that Howard with Hair gets to appreciate why his predecessor lost his and the only way to slow that process.
Apart from the obvious weirdness of a 70 year old having a mid life crisis (mine would logically be when I am 100 except that I had it when I was 23!, but I don’t think Howard is planning on living to be 200), I don’t really understand that post.
Is your point that real lefties only care about style and image? Because on substance, Observa is right – Rudd is just out-Howarding Howard – which is why I would not mind him winning.
Heh.
I’ve thought about this, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe the Government’s declining popularity is all my fault. I’ve been able to afford a flat-screen telly for years, but I just can’t be fagged going out to get one. Same with the matching home theatre system, the bookshelves full of DVDs, and the Foxtel subscription. I’ve relentlessly failed to get married and have children. I’ve maintained my union membership. I’ve wilfully persisted in not owning a car, so I don’t drive on all those wonderful PPP toll roads.
I have only just started to realise that all this selfish lack of swimming in the mainstream might be having a poisonous effect on those around me.
It’s my fault, John.
I wish I could say I’m sorry.
“Patrick said:
Apart from the obvious weirdness of a 70 year old having a mid life crisis (mine would logically be when I am 100 except that I had it when I was 23!”
That wasn’t a mid-life crisis, that was at best, leaving adolescence!
Great wallpaper though! Howard has never looked so stylish before.
Janet seems to be suggesting that she lives in the centre along with the rest of us plebs. If where she lives is the centre, I am moving even further to the left. I would like to know who lives to the right of Janet but it would be a very small neighbourhood.
2 babies so far, no flat screen TV – we did actually use our ‘baby bonus’ for things like a car seat, pram, cot etc, so perhaps it is our own fault for not spending it wisely on the TV.
Hey there, can I respectfully suggest only having one space after a full stop? The double spaces look weird and are an unnecessary hang over from the old typewriter days. Sorry to be so pedantic, but it ruins the flow of your well-written and interesting text, IMHO.
Midget man, midget mind.
It’s not Howard having a mid-life crisis, it’s Australia, and thank Christ most Australians are finally realising that this Neo-Con Fascist idealist is nothing more than a pathological liar, he’s like the boy who cried wolf, and now as the wolf rips out his entrails and he screams to be heard, no one is listening, there’ve heard it all before and expect it’s just another lie, RIP John.
Chappy.
I reckon it might be correct that Kevin Rudd’s entire success is based on that Sunrise gig. My wife does not give a crap about politics but she likes Rudd and knew who was even before he became opposition leader. Its all down to the fact that she was used to seeing him on Sunrise and just liked him more than Joe Hockey. Its my theory that the reason why Howard’s initial attacks on Rudd failed was because so much of the electorate already knew who he was and liked him because of Sunrise.
Is it just me, or is that photo eerily reminisicent of Richard Nixon’s waving fingers after he resigned…obviously substituting a helicopter for that delightful wallpaper!