I’m occasionally asked by local ABC Morning Show host Leon Compton to be a panellist on a Friday segment titled “3 Big Questions”. It involves three local media or superannuated political luminaries musing about political and sometimes more general issues of the day.
I was on it yesterday, and the third “question” was both Valentine’s Day-related and rather personalised, springing from a private email exchange I’d had with Leon. It was:
Ken Parish is becoming a Grumpy Old Man. I am noticing the signs in myself too ((my)lady says..hmmm how could we use that leftover chocolate mousse. She winks. I say think of the ants.
Finish this sentence.You know youre becoming a Grumpy Old Man when.
I didn’t really answer Leon’s question as such, because I don’t need to realise I’m a Grumpy Old Man, I actively cultivate that state of being. However I played along (as you do), observing that one of the things that currently evidenced my GOM status was the fact that I was grumpy about Valentine’s Day itself, regarding it as a tiresome wank whose existence I refuse to acknowledge.
However I thought about Leon’s tacky scenario later, and did indeed achieve a self-aware revelatory flash, namely that I’m not only a grumpy old man but quite a boring one too. If I ever arrived home to find Jen wearing only a seductive smile and a scoop of chocolate mousse in her nether regions, I imagine I’d probably say something along the lines “Gee dear, you didn’t break the last dessert bowl, did you? What about I pop down to Freedom and buy a new dinner set?”