The Mighty Railways of our Christian Queen

Some time ago a coworker of mine found a file on the train and gave it to me. A thick wad of papers detailing a conspiracy against all that was good in the world: The Queen, her constitution and her mighty railways….and the writer’s right to place her wheelie bin on the kerb. A few months later the same coworker found a similar file on the train. The writer is obviously keen to spread her message, so I feel I might oblige.

First up though is how striking the file is visually. It’s a brilliant work of mixed media, collage, found texts, vastly changing text sizes and styles and graphical work. As art it far surpasses the chaos of other celebrated efforts, such as The House of Leaves, except for the fact that this is entirely sincere. Within we have heavily annotated railway bulletins and photocopied history books, text spilling through all available space in the margins. We have text that rises and falls in size with her level of indignation; the largest word is “Fornication”. We have copies of all her correspondence to councils, to treasury, to the reserve bank and her applications for legal aid, the last of which contains a detailed exposition of the forces rallied against her. Any given page must also be read from multiple angles to capture all the thoughts she has crammed into every inch of paper.

The conspiracy itself can not be summarised easily, so here is an incomplete list of the antagonists named throughout the text – keeping in mind that terms are usually strung together:

Unions, Moslems, Catholic Universalism,  Nazis, the EEC, TV, environmentalists, masons, Europeans, Asians, “Bar mitzvah boys” and the “German Jew Master Race”, “Cain’s children in Japan”, Veolia (Cannix – nazis), gypsies, fenians, Miranda Divine (“the not so divine Miranda”), John “How-Hard”, the “Ruddy”, Buddhists, Hindus, racists, fascists, Marxists, Satanists, Hitlerists, socialists, modernists, feminists, humanists, hospitals, “internet winkypop Ency”. developers, Tories, Danes, Irish, Picts, Scots and Canaanites.

You might expect this would leave the English protestant untouched, but she also rails at great length about the Saxons..

Amongst this sea of evil, who are the good?

The Queen and indigenous Australians who were the recipients of the monarchy’s protection.

This must be qualified however.  Whilst there are real Aborigines, such as buskers at Circular Quay, there’s also the false aborigines – the kind that resent the British empire or live in troubled remote communities. These are gypsies (just like the fraudulent Gypsy queen). They “are the Jews who rebelled against God around 450BC…the work with the Saxons (the scribes and pharisees who put Jesus on the cross) through the papacy to destroy the Christian Jews and the British crown”. Figures throughout Australian history include the witch Joseph Banks, the cannibal Bligh and the briefly noble Macquarie who ended up dominated by his wicked wife. Paul Keating once “personally admitted” his allegience to the Catholic church, in violation of article 42-44 of the constitution.

The feature of any good conspiracy however, is how it inevitably  focuses its wrath on the brave soul who uncovers it. Thus they constantly harrass her. The satanist council is allying with her neighbour (who is drugging her children) to remove her right to place her bin on the kerb. The once-godly Commonwealth bank is providing her with a home loan for which she did not apply and Cain’s children are restricting her access to records in their sprawling Chinatown citadel. They have also tricked her children into placing “organ donor” on their driver’s license, a donation they intend to collect at any time. All this is covered by reams of official documents. I used these to look at her house through Google street view, which must be a dream for any paranoiac (I’ve obscured her name an address in the image though). She is also facing an antagonist in her ex husband, now exposed as a German Moslem waging are 1200 year war against the British.

The most lucid portions of the text recount her journeys throughout the railway network of NSW, something that appears to be her main leisure activity. These are often quite exciting. She checks into hotel rooms only to be warned by the voice of Jesus to vacate lest evil befall her. She douses the bedrolls of evil men only to have them assail her in their “ungodly tongue”. She avoids the lures of railway staff who pretend to help but merely wish to trap her. She also meets a man who is unwillingly being sent to Mongolia on a secret mission. All the time she battles the catholic union club whom does not enforce fares for their comrades but prevents her god given right to smoke on trains.

Of all the evils she assails against, it is the infiltration and destruction of the Queen’s railways. Nothing is so important to her, and subsequently Australia than public transport, and this must be why it was the natural place to leave her file for (literally) fellow travellers. She bemoans the truncating of lines by “The Ruddy Moslem Greiner” and the fenian Manly council who undermine state buses with council buses. They launch an attack on public railways in order to advance communism. Unionised bus drivers use “go slow tactics” in exchange for their own bus routes. Public transport is mentioned on almost every thing page in the file (which is larger than the picture suggests).

I’ve only covered a minute portion of the material here. It’s chaotic presentation and blurring of the macrohistorical and minute disputes of her own life makes it extremely hard to detail in anything but a piecemeal manner. I cannot cover her own pictures, such as a diagram of the armour of God (his loins are girt with the truth) or the seductive bird that tweets “peace, peace”. Maybe this is for the best, another image shows the internet to be the foilage on the tree of knowledge, this time inhabited by a spider rather than a serpent. But in the whole it is a fascinating be of paranoiac conspiracy Australiana.